How to Live in Phoenix
Sorry for posting an email forward, but this is just so true that I had to post it, especially after my friend Nate Perkins recently received a bullethole through his rear driver's-side door for his freeway driving habits.How To Live In Phoenix
1. Your must learn to pronounce the
city name. It is: "FEE-niks."
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 A.M.
to 10:00 A.M. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 P.M. to 7:00 P.M. Friday's rush
hour starts on Thursday morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on all
freeways--I-10, I-17, US 60,
Loop202--is 85 mph. Your may only exceed that
speed on Loop 101, where the speed is allowed to match the highway number.
Anything less is considered dangerous.
4. Forget the traffic rules you
learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. Cars/truck with
the loudest muffler go next at a four-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires
goes after that. (Note: East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms
ALWAYS have the right of way.)
5. If you actually stop at a yellow
light, you will be rear-ended,
cussed out, and possibly shot.
6.
Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously.
7. Construction is a permanent
fixture in Phoenix. Detour barrels are
moved around during the middle of the
night to make the next day's
driving a bit more exciting.
8. Watch
carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs,
barrels, cones,
cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires,
squirrels, rabbits, crows,
vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the
coyotes feeding on any of these
items.
9. You must know that "Price Freeway, Pima Freeway, Agua Fria
Freeway, and the Loop 101" are all the same road. Same with the "Maricopa
Freeway, Papago Freeway, and the I-10."
10. If someone actually has their
turn signal on, wave them to the
shoulder immediately to let them know it has
been "accidentally
activated."
11. If you are in the left lane, and
only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph
zone, you are considered a road hazard and
will be "flipped off"
accordingly.
12. Ground clearance of at least 12
inches is recommended for city
driving.
13. You are allowed to wear
pot holders to protect your hands and
fingers during summer
driving.
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